But you’re so much better than…

self protrait

Have you ever been encouraged by that phrase.  It doesn’t really matter how you complete the sentence.  It just doesn’t cut it.

Here are ways that sentence has been completed in respect to me:

“…you used to be!”
“…<insert name>.”
“…we thought you would be.” (that’s always a gem)

You could probably add a few. (feel free to comment with your additions!)

It’s an issue of standards and gratitude.

Standards:

I don’t care, right now, that I used to REALLY suck at <whatever>.  I just want to be REALLY good now.

I don’t care how bad <insert name> is. I just want to be AS GOOD as I know it can be. (I have this standard set in my own head – realistic or not).

I have my parents to thank  for this curse.  I was taught to NEVER compare myself to someone else. Ultimately it’s a good curse, of course. (But  hard to do when you are visually stimulated)

So, I determine my standard. And set out to attain it.  Sometimes (often) my standards are too low, or misinformed.  I have to face the reality that even in setting the goal, I suck.  Other times I feel like I have achieved those standards, but fail to realize I am just not LOOKING very carefully.  Fail. Again. My very good and wise friend, Bob, tells me often “reality is your friend”.  So I force myself to look – even when I hate what I see.  I stand up and look reality in the face.  Set new standards/goals and move on. (haha!  well, I may cry for a day or so first!)

Gratitude:

It’s the thing that moves me from wallowing to determination. As I think of how I haven’t met my goals – How I am afraid to move. -How I think I am better than I really am (and am therefore embarrassed to show my face in public). I suddenly remember my friend in a wheelchair.  And that his mom is afraid everyday.  And she doesn’t really experience regular ‘peaceful moments’.  And when that is your life you don’t really have the luxury of wallowing.  I have shared in that kind of life.  I remember wondering what safety felt like. I remember being afraid that I would never get healthy. I remember the people that are faithful and present in my life.  …and that it doesn’t matter, today, that I have not met my own (potentially faulty) standards.  I can just be thankful for who I am today.

And I am.

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