I struggle. With lots of stuff. But remembering is a big thing. It could be because I have passed the 50 mark. (Have I already posted about this?!) Could be. But I think it’s stress.
I have never had problems focussing and have always had a high capacity for managing details within a bigger picture. My mom says I was a pretty intense child. Go figure.
But lately I feel ADDish. Sparkly things distract me. Relationships distract me. Images floating across my screen, the next opened tab, the next post I need to make the next place to be, the next…..
Not good. And on top of THAT kind of ‘media induced’ stress there is relational stress. Most of my relationships are pretty solid and mostly carefree. So it’s not ‘drama’ stress, really. But I find, more and more, that death anniversaries really mess with me.
In 1982, baby Monica died at 36 weeks and my dad just two years ago this month. And this is what confounds me. Death. You can’t DO anything about it. The missing relationship is just that, missing. It doesn’t have the ability to ADD anything taxing (like a fight would). But still these days leading up to the anniversary always lessen my capacity to manage the details of life and work. It’s distracting.
I don’t have any profound thoughts on this. Just observation.