Beautiful on the inside

Today I shared (on Facebook) a video about being free from ‘beauty expectations and pressures’

I am not a fan of sappy, but I found tears streaming down my face.  I kept repeating “pretty enough, beautiful enough” as each woman became freer and freer with less and less makeup, hair extensions, photoshop treatments.

I enjoyed a friend’s comment about his daughters: “Funny, now that I have two beautiful daughters I’m so much more aware of stuff like this. Love it.”

I enjoyed how many people shared the video with their audiences.  But one lovely, well intentioned friend shared with a comment about ‘lasting beauty’ being on the ‘inside’.  Gosh, I was suddenly furious. (HAHA!  I am in my 50’s ok, maybe that has something to do with the intensity… maybe not.)

BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE.  I would like to call “Bullshit” on that phrase. Here’s why….

It’s like ‘beauty on the inside’ is the consolation prize.  “Well, honey, you actually aren’t very pretty, but you are so sweet.  That’s all that matters.”  UGH. It’s almost synonymous with ‘ugly’.  Firstly, you aren’t the judge of pretty.  Well, actually you are, but keep your negative thoughts to yourself. They are for you. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  You get to decide what is pretty/beautiful, but maybe it’s unhealthy to try to get others to conform themselves to your idea of beauty?

Honestly, I don’t think people who say that mean that you are NOT pretty on the outside.  I think they THINK they are saying 2 different things.
1. Outside goes away and is less important, so be beautiful in your personhood first and foremost. AND
2. The outside IS good enough.
 BUT… they don’t realize they are actually saying  – you don’t cut it. (well the people I am talking about anyway)
This may just boil down to
1.) Verbal laziness (their, they’re, there)
2.) Thought laziness (I don’t really want to tax my brain thinking what the underlying message is.  I would rather repeat things that sounded nice when I heard them)
3.) Ethos laziness (I don’t want to go through the effort of knowing what I am about and being about it to the core of my being)
Sometimes, though, it’s just hard to say what we think.  So, no judgement on you if you are saying these things.  I think the best about you. I hope you do the same about me. But if you, like me, are finding that so many of these “empowerment, beauty, girl power” statements are simply underhanded compliments… change it.

2 thoughts on “Beautiful on the inside

  1. Whatever you do, if you wish to remain sane, do NOT read the YouTube video comments on this. 🙂

    What I got from this video is that she has chosen to decide how she feels most beautiful. She was protesting about being told how to look in order to be the most “attractive/sell-able” for her music/videos. It can be hard to listen to the voice inside and decide for one’s self what feels good and freeing and happy and beautiful. There are plenty of external voices about what makes a person beautiful.

    Thankfully, we can choose to stop listening to the opinions about people who don’t have genuine value in our lives, and hopefully, we can stop adding to the noise for others by making careless comments.


  2. Had to share this quote too, from Meghan Tonjes:

    People who love their bodies, their lives, their relationships, don’t hate on others’. If you know love and happiness, that’s what you put out in the world. The only thing hateful comments tell you is how much that person is hurting.

    From this Tumblr Post


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